


Quos amor verus tenuit, tenebit

by Amaterasu_omikami



Series: Amor Fati [2]
Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Getting Together, M/M, Relationship(s), Romance, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-05
Updated: 2015-12-05
Packaged: 2018-05-04 23:36:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5352611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amaterasu_omikami/pseuds/Amaterasu_omikami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“If I could do it all over again, knowing what was to come, I would. It was worth it, it is worth it. Love is worth it my son.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Quos amor verus tenuit, tenebit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an accompanying piece to [Non Semper Erit Aestas](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4735445/chapters/10823027) and a part of the Amor Fati series, that focuses almost exclusively on Rin and Sousuke with mentions of others from that primary work. It should stand on its own though. Italics in this chapter signify memories.

#  Chapter 1

 

 

_“She sighed and brushed away the hair that had fallen into his eyes. “It had been a special day for him.”_

_He didn’t remember much about his father. A hand on his shoulder when he had proudly presented him with a picture from kindergarten and a small smile. The way he had tossed him into the air once, and he thought he could fly. Calloused fingers brushing his cheek before bedtime._

_His father had smelled like the ocean. Ocean and fish._

_He didn’t remember much. He didn’t ask his mother about him either, not if he could help it. Sometimes though, more lately, she’d tell him a story, like now._

_“The four of them, they had so much fun together. They were his friends and your father always said swimming with them made him so happy. Happiest he ever was. Except when you and Gou were born of course. He dreamed…”_

_She’d stopped then, looking at his father’s picture at the little shrine and he clenched his fists. He wanted to know. Her eyes had gone sad, the way they sometimes did, when he’d take Gou away to play with him even though she was still such a baby and he really rather wouldn’t. He couldn’t contain his curiosity this time though, he had to know. “Mama?”_

_“Oh!” Blinking as if woken, she smiled at him. “Your father dreamed of the Olympics.”_

_“Ol… Olympics?”_

_Soft hands pushing his hair away and a smile, gentle sad smile._

_His mother always smelled like the sakura. Sakura and home._

“Matsuoka-san?”

“I’m sorry, got lost in thought.” He grabbed his drink and took a big gulp.” Ah, well. Yes, I’ve wanted to swim at the Olympics since I was a child. You know how it is. What about you?”

“Yes, I understand.” She smiled at him, nodding fervently. “I’ve known since I won my first race.” Her face was alight with a passion as she launched into her explanation. He tried paying attention and made the appropriate noises but all he could hear was the gentle voice of his mother in that room, so long ago, telling him about his father’s relay, his dream.

_“I am going to be a swimmer mama! I am going to the Olympics!”_

So long ago.

How could he explain something like that to a stranger? The weight of the past sat so heavily on him sometimes. Shaking his head, he caught Haru giving him a look. Haru understood some of it, he didn’t have to explain some of those dark, murky parts to him. He had been there after all, they had inhabited them together for a time. He guessed that maybe that’s why they were such good friends now. He was so glad he had Haru with him, sharing the dream. Asocial git that he sometimes was. He almost snorted at that. Sometimes was mild though all right, he was getting a bit better.

Haru had Sousuke with him just then too, to help him out if he felt overwhelmed, and Hamasaki, their new friend, was there as well, so it was perfectly fine for him to meet some of the other swimmers from Ryuujin and other clubs. They were colleagues now after all.

She was nice too. Not to mention definitely flirting with him. Maybe he flirted back a bit.

What was the harm in it?

What was the harm in making sure?

_Why couldn’t he just tell his mother he liked girls and the gossip wasn’t true? It was the tabloids, everyone knew how terrible they were. He did not like Haru, not in that way. Even if the stubborn twat could be hot when he remembered to dress like a regular human being. The problem was, the second he’d opened his mouth to deny liking guys, an image of Sousuke had flashed in front of his eyes._

_He wasn’t even smiling. He was grumpy and maybe there was a glint in his eye, just like before he’d get ready to start jerking his chain._

_He needed to sit down. There was no way in hell he liked Yamazaki Sousuke._

_Like that._

He’d gone running to Haru and Makoto then, spilling it all. They’d been supportive and well, maybe he did like Yamazaki Sousuke. In that way.

 “… and I think has great potential to teach too. You trained there, right?”

“Eh?”

“Australia?”

He was being an arse. She was looking up at him with genuine curiosity yet he hadn’t heard a word she’d said.

“Yes! Yes, I did.”

“It must have been so exciting, going to a foreign country to train like that. I love Ryuujin but maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to experience a year abroad, to broaden the horizons.”

“I’ve been there before, to train, when I was young.”

“I didn’t know that. How wonderful!”

Had it been?

_“If that is what you truly want Rin, you may go.”_

_A bright, bright smile, and small hands clutching his mother’s skirt. “Thank you mama.”_

“Yes, I learned a lot.” He nodded and took another sip of his drink.

_“I’m coming back. There’s a school with a dorm, they’ve got a great swimming club.”_

_Her mother’s eyes serious, sombre. “If that is what you truly want Rin.” A small smile. “We’ll be happy to have you back. We’ve missed you so much.”_

 What the hell was the matter with him tonight?

“I learned a lot.” He forced a smile and shrugged. “It was truly great this time around though and I was lucky that my coach was able to follow me here. I’m glad I’m home.” He suddenly realized he didn’t have to force that smile any longer, he was happy to be back. “Haru kept me company thanks to Skype, and Makoto, our friend from Iwatobi. It was good to keep in touch. Easier now that we're all adults.”

The words were out before could stop himself. He hadn’t meant to say that but then let it go, it wasn’t as if it was something that odd.

“Everybody knows by now you and Nanase-san are rivals!”

She laughed and he had to join her. It really was well known to everyone at the club, even if he’d been there for short a time. It may have had to do with the two of them yelling at each other with four lanes between them but seriously, he so beat him that time. Haru was living in a dream world if he thought he’d won that one.

“Friends too.”

His head snapped up and he blushed but had to nod. “We are. Really good friends.”

“It’s so nice when childhood friendships manage to survive into adult years. It’s often not the case.”

He was pretty sure that those words came from experience and he knew he was lucky. He’d been aware just how lucky for quite a while. His friends had brought him back after all.

“It is.”

Slanting a glance at Haru, he couldn’t help but smile again. He was so happy for him and Makoto. When they’d told him, he had cheered but it was only once he’d actually seen them together, in person, that it had truly hit him what it meant. It made him feel warm and at the same time, just maybe, a little bit envious. He wanted that. He’d long since came to terms with the fact he was a romantic. Sue him. There was nothing wrong with that. His mother said so. If some of the guys sometimes found him funny, well, he’d see who was laughing when he turned out to be the best boyfriend and they floundered around.

His eyes shifted to Sousuke then.

He was engaged in a spirited discussion with Haru of all people. Who would have thought that would ever happen, in a friendly way? He’d secretly despaired while they had been still back in Iwatobi, he had wanted them to get along yet there had always been something preventing that.

_“I was jealous, all right?”_

_He blinked in surprise at Sousuke who was breathing heavily, as if he’d ran a marathon instead of just talking. He’d have though he was still tired from all the dancing except they’d been parked on Sousuke’s floor for hours by then, it was almost dawn._

_“What?”_

_“I was jealous.” The words spit out through gritted teeth and he had to blink again. He was pretty certain that that night was going to be the death of him. Or his brain at least because what? Jealous of Haru?_

_“Of Haru? Why?!”_

_“You left.” Sousuke shrugged, looking down at the floor now, making his hands itch. He wanted to reach out but he didn’t want to embarrass him. Sousuke didn’t like talking about himself but somehow, his brain seemed to be breaking too as they’d talked more than all the previous times together. “You left and at first it was fine. You were happy. Then it wasn’t so great any more. Then it was fine again.” He thought he understood what that referred to, kind of. Sousuke could be so infuriating sometimes._

_He reminded him so much of Haru in that way._

_“I wanted…” He shrugged and looked up suddenly. “I wanted to be the one to help you. Instead it was him. And all of them. But mostly him.”_

_He blinked for the third time and wondered if he’d ever understand that man._

That had been a good night.

The dinner had been great but going dancing after even better. Talking for hours after that, at Sousuke’s place, he still didn’t have the words to explain how thrilled he had been.

Difficult, at first. They’d both floundered. He wasn’t sure if it had been the wine or this buzz from the music and from being so close to Sousuke while they moved together to the beat, but things had just started spilling out and it was like a dam had been opened. For both of them, which had been surprising and wonderful. Painful at times but so worth it. It had been good to get some things out.

_“Don’t you understand?!” He was up on his feet, pacing the floor, Sousuke looking at him with mouth open in surprise. “I want you to come to me when you’re in trouble! When something is bothering you. I want to help!” He almost growled in frustration. “I know, I know, some things you had to solve on your own but I could have just listened. Yes, I’m still maybe a little bit upset about that.” He pulled on his hair and then flung his arms wide. “I’ve told you back at Samezuka and yet … why don’t you just talk to me?!”_

_“I was embarrassed.”_

_“Don’t you think I know that? But Sousuke I want to be there for you as you want to be there for me.”_

His life was such a mess.

The girl next to him was engaged in a discussion about a new movie with the guys sitting across from them. He couldn’t really pay much attention to it, though he tried looking attentive.

His mind was going a mile a minute, had been ever since that night.

He wasn’t stupid. Maybe a little oblivious, fine, he was man enough to admit that, but he wasn’t stupid. He liked Sousuke. When he’d asked him to go to the movies, he thought he could fly again.  His own nature though, he knew that too. He was impulsive. Emotional. What if it was just a flight of fancy? Dare he really risk Sousuke’s friendship for something that may not hold true?

Dare he hurt Sousuke?

He really wasn’t stupid. Sousuke liked him, he was pretty sure of it.

“Some more Matsuoka-san?”

“Yes, thank you.”

She was pretty. And that was the other problem.

He liked girls.

Was it just a phase he was feeling all this towards Sousuke? How could he be sure? He’d always liked girls. He’d had his first crush when he was eight, he was never going to forget that. He had made such a fool of himself but it was fine. You were supposed to. He could even look back at it now and smile. That was then though and now, he couldn’t just throw caution to the wind, not when the price could be hurting someone he cared for so much.

He had to be sure.

“It sounds great.”

“Ah, yes.” He had absolutely no idea what sounded great and crossed his fingers that he had not just agreed to some complete nonsense.

“You can take your girlfriend to see it, I’m sure she’d love it.”

Feeling relief he’d agreed that the movie they had all been talking about sounded great, and not, heaven forbid, that latest album by that old dude who used to be so cool but now looked like someone’s old aunt, because no, thank you very much, his ears were still bleeding, not to mention his eyes. It took him a second to register what she’d said, distracted by his own internal ramblings.

“Eh?”

“Your girlfriend.”

“I don’t have one.”

“I see.” She smiled at him again and sipped her drink.

Oh. Of course. It was the oldest trick in the book. He’d used it himself. She was blushing a little but otherwise seemed happy by the information. He grabbed his own drink, looking for a temporary reprieve. Was he supposed to ask her out now? There was no way he was going to do that in front of everyone, never mind his pain in the arse friend.

Haru, who was already glaring daggers at him.

He sighed resignedly. It would be good to talk to Haru but this he had to figure out on his own. It was easy for him, he’d found his Makoto. All right, maybe not easy, he remembered the few times he’d talked to Haru before he and Makoto had gotten together and though he hadn’t said anything, it had been obvious he had been struggling with feelings too. He wasn’t Haru though. Everyone knew he and Makoto belonged together. He hadn’t been surprised at all when he’d heard it, if anything, he was surprised it took them that long. Though, it was Haru. That he even managed to think about anything but swimming had to have caused some major shift in the stars.

Yes, he was being a bit petty but it was his own head so he was allowed. He was frustrated and tired and he just wanted this to end.

He was also happy for those two. They loved each other with every fibre of their being.

God, he wanted that. He wanted that so much. Like a broken record, he kept coming back to that.

_“I don’t really understand Rin, I’m afraid your mother is old! We weren’t brought up talking about that sort of thing, boys liking boys.” She’d laughed then and his heart suddenly restarted. “If this is who you are, I am always going to support you. Life is too short to waste.” There was a pause and he didn’t need to ask what she was thinking of. Her eyes still got sad sometimes, even though it’d been so many years._

_“I loved your father very much.” He made a small sound because she’d never said that before. He had known of course but it was different to hear it. Maybe it had been easier to say over the phone. “I still do. We had but a few years together but I remember everything.” He didn’t, even less so than before. Time erased even those memories you sometimes desperately wanted to keep._

_“His touch, his smell.”_

_Ocean and fish._

_His father had smelled like the ocean and fish._

_“If I could do it all over again, knowing what was to come, I would. It was worth it, it is worth it. Love is worth it my son.”_

_Maybe it wasn’t the phone. Maybe she simply loved him so much to be able to open an old wound, a fresh wound, to help and support him._

_“If that is who truly you love, if he makes you happy, I’ll always be here for you.”_

Maybe Haru and Makoto did love each other, maybe his mother loved his father, but it also brought pain. He knew pain.

Because he’d loved his father too. Because he loved his mother.

He wanted it but at the same time, it frightened him to the very core of his being.

They’d finally decided to call it a night then, not a second too soon because he was all choked up suddenly, in front of all those people, for no apparent reason. Taking the reprieve, he quickly got dressed. Everyone said their good nights. Haru had just looked at him before walking off with Sousuke to the station and he turned towards his companion of the night.

“Let me walk you to your station.”

“Oh! That’s so kind of you, it is late.” She smiled and he smiled back.

If he was going to risk pain, for both him and Sousuke, he had to be sure. He had to be sure in what he was feeling. A part of him was pointing out that it wasn’t nice to use her so but he wasn’t being an arse, he wasn’t. She really was pretty.

And he needed, had to be sure.

“About that movie…”

~~

She looked really nice.

She hadn’t spotted him yet and he sighed, his hands threading through his hair. He’d made sure to dress well, though he always tried to do so. He wasn’t Haru. Or Sousuke. Jeans and a shirt for that one. Though that sweater from the other night had looked so good on him. He’d wanted to run his hands down it, feel the muscles he could glimpse. Shaking his head, he frowned. This was not what he wanted to think about right then. He wasn’t supposed to be thinking about Sousuke.

He walked towards her briskly, thinking there was a sure way to nip that in the bud. Waving, he finally managed to draw her attention and he was greeted with a smile.

“Hello.”

“Matsuoka-san, good evening.”

“I hope you haven’t been waiting too long, I’m afraid the traffic was terrible.”

“No, I’ve just arrived myself. Tokyo!” She rolled her eyes at that and smiled. “Shall we?”

Nodding he followed her, stuffing his hands into his pockets. Not really sure what to talk about, he kept silent but apparently she had no such issues and filled it with chatter about the city. He didn’t mind and soon was talking about Sydney and how it had been there. They compared the similarities and differences and filled the time they spent in the queue, before they got the tickets.

“We have enough time, how about we grab a drink first?”

She happily complied and they found a nearby café. It was full but by some luck he managed to snag the last free table.

“That was some fast moving.”

“I am an athlete.” He nodded sagely and she laughed.

She had a nice laugh.

“You also nudged that man to get here first.”

“Actually I just smiled at him.”

She blinked at that, raising an eyebrow and he shrugged. They had their table; that was all that mattered.

“You’re incorrigible.” But she was smiling and already flagging the waiter. They both chose coffees, it wasn’t like they had the time for anything else anyway, and luckily it didn’t take long for them to arrive. He thought that there was always time for something more later on, if they wanted to extend the date. He wasn’t sure if he hoped or dreaded it. But then, that was what he wanted to find out, wasn’t it.

“You remind me of my brother.”

“Is that a good thing?”

“I am not so sure.” She blew on her coffee to make it cool faster, eyeing him with a mischievous expression. “He’s younger and has been causing me grief all my life, the little pest.”

“I have a younger sister.”

“Oh?”

“She made me play with dolls when I was little.”

“Maybe that’s why you have such a good fashion sense now.”

He blushed at that and sipped his coffee to try and cover up his embarrassment. He’d forgotten it was still hot and had to try valiantly to hold in the whine that wanted to burst out. At least it had been a distraction because he wasn’t sure how to respond.

“Ah, thank you.” He cleared his throat and tried anyway. “You look nice yourself.”

That probably could have been better stated. Nice? Sighing, he looked mournfully into his coffee then peeked at her through his hair.

She threw another smile his way then and he offered a weak one of his own. He was not eight any more. He could do better than this! He had no trouble the other day telling Sousuke that colour looked good on him. It brought out his eyes. Of course, the shade Sousuke had turned after he had said it kind of ruined the effect but still.

He had looked so gorgeous that night.

He was also doing it again.

“Ah,” clearing his throat, he was happy to see that his tongue was still functional, “I’m looking forward to the movie.”

“Yes, me too.”

Why was he so bad with her but could talk to Sousuke for five hours straight? He almost shook his head then. He was being unreasonable. He’d known Sousuke most of his life, he’d just met her. It would take time to get to know her.

They did have one thing in common though so that seemed like a good starting point. He could talk about swimming. If there was one thing he could talk about, it was swimming. He grasped that topic with both hands and dived in. A gentleman should always be attentive so he kept asking her questions about her own style and plans. They moved onto music then and this time he had no trouble, happily engaging into conversation and moving onto other topics. Time flew then and soon they were settling the bill and walking back.

Their found their seats easily enough after having picked up the popcorn and the soda she had chosen and chatted a few minutes when the movie finally started. Relief flooded him and he had to roll his eyes. He was being silly and he knew it.

The plot rolled on and it turned out to be a pretty good romantic comedy. Not really the genre he preferred but it wasn’t bad though a bit cliché. He thought of the last one he’d seen with Sousuke just a few days ago and smiled.

It had been interesting.

_“This is terrible.” The soft breath tickled his ear and he felt his body shiver. He had to tell himself it was just the proximity and he was sensitive. That he wanted to push away the seat divider and smash their mouths together was just natural. He was a young man. They had urges. He cleared his throat, and leaned towards Sousuke._

_“You’re laughing and it’s a comedy so it can’t be that bad.”_

_An ungraceful snort was the only reply he got, so he put his hand on Sousuke’s arm and squeezed. He was certain he did not imagine the way Sousuke shivered at that._

_“Ah, come on, you have to admit that it’s funny!”_

_“Perhaps. Next time I pick the movie.”_

_Snickering, he shook his head and moved away, but not before one last pat. So he liked to push a little, so what? He got distracted by the hilarious sequence on screen then and he got engrossed in it. He didn’t care what Sousuke said, this was good._

_A deep belly rumble erupted next to him then and he looked at Sousuke in wonder, as it turned into full blown laughter. He looked happy and relaxed, causing him to stare._

“It’s quite good, isn’t it?”

“Eh?”

“It’s quite good.” She whispered, careful not to disturb others, leaning towards him and he nodded quickly. It was fine, he truly thought so and then they spent the rest of the movie commenting here and there on it. His attention hadn’t wavered once after that.

~~

“Ah, I enjoyed that so much!”

She stretched and then smiled at him.

They were standing outside of the theatre and he was trying to figure out in his head what it was that he wanted to do.

“Shall we walk for a bit?”

He blinked and nodded, so they set off slowly down the lane leading away from the crowds. He was still mulling it over, when a startled voice made him halt.

“Rin?”

This was not happening.

This was definitely, definitely not happening.

If he closed his eyes and clicked his heels three times he’d totally find himself somewhere else, right? Sighing, he pasted on a smile and wondered which deity he angered if he had to run into Haru and Makoto just then.

They exchanged greetings and small talk and he could kiss Makoto right there and then for being his usual sweet self and trying to make the situation a bit less awkward. There was no way to miss it was tense though, not to mention that Haru’s look could probably dissect him into tiny little pieces at the moment. Then he’d probably throw salt on him. Maybe do a dance too.

He was getting morbid.

Maybe he was going insane.

Maybe all of this was a hallucination and he did not just run into the men who have been trying to help him out with his situation with Sousuke.

He wanted to slap himself but realized that it would look bloody weird and he really, truly, needed to pull himself together. Luckily Haru and Makoto had obviously had enough too and they quickly said their good byes, walking away.

“Oh, so that’s the boyfriend.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Nanase-san’s boyfriend. I was wondering who would fit him. He seems very kind.”

“Makoto is wonderful.” He wasn’t sure what to say to the rest because Haru was closed-off for the most part, not counting his friends and he really didn’t want to comment about private matters. She just smiled at him without commenting further and moved on.

He turned to follow but had to glance back over his shoulder. He couldn’t spot them now, they had gotten lost in the evening crowd. He didn’t need to though, in order to be sure they were holding hands, and sort of leaning towards each other even while walking. Haru would be looking up with that little smile and Makoto would be beaming down at him. The love would be so easy to see.

Her hand caught his then and his focus narrowed down.

Soft skin, gentle touch.

She was a really nice girl.

They had had a good time. He might have been a little bit awkward but it had been good. She was smart and a great swimmer and they seemed to have lots in common. She was easy to talk to and didn’t mind taking initiative. When he’d thought about what kind of a girlfriend he may have one day, she was pretty much it.

He slowly removed his hand from hers.

She did not deserve to be hurt.

“I had a great time.”

The words got stuck in his throat after that because he wasn’t sure how to go about it. He really was hopeless.

“You should see your face Matsuoka-san.” She laughed and shook her head. “It’s all right.” Shrugging a little, she adjusted her bag. “Thank you for a great night. I look forward to seeing you again on one of our team gatherings.”

Nodding dumbly because she was truly wonderful, and quite perceptive, he smiled a full smile in thanks. They said good night then, and he watched her leave when she suddenly turned around and smiled. “Good luck!” She didn’t wait for his answer and walked away, leaving him blinking after her.

He thought about going home and then decided he needed to collect himself. A small bench off to the side beckoned and he sat down, sighing.

She was everything he’d thought about yet not what he wanted right then and there.

How strange, he thought.

It would be so much easier.

He wouldn’t have to think about talking to his mother again and saying that yes, he was sure. There would be no need to think how it would affect his swimming, his dream. He’d be just another swimmer and not, well, not like Haru. The glances thrown his way here and there didn’t interest Haru, but it couldn’t have been pleasant. Could he ignore it that way, with his personality?

Could he ignore if someone said something to Sousuke?

Probably not. The idea of anyone hurting him was making his blood boil.

Snorting, he looked up at the night sky and the full moon that was peeking through the clouds. It was fairly obvious, wasn’t it? He wanted to protect Sousuke from any harm. He wanted to talk to him, share things with him. He wanted to run his hands down that body, map it all out. Kiss him silly. He wanted to dance with him and never stop.

It frightened him so much. The intensity of his feelings. Heaven help him, he was so in love.

He wasn't completely sure of Sousuke's own feelings. Either way, he was never one to back down so there really was only one thing to do. Confess.

First though, he needed to go and talk to Haru and Makoto, and explain. He knew he didn’t have to but he wanted to. They’d been patient and helpful and explaining the why of it was important to him.  He nodded to himself and slowly moved towards the station, thinking his life was about to get much more complicated. It was all right though, it’d be worth it.

~~

_“You were pretty obvious though and Sousuke was with us.”_

_“What?”_

_Makoto sighed._

_“What Haru means is that he saw you flirting with this girl, right? Even if he doesn’t know you two went out?” He shook his head at this and Makoto continued. “If you do approach him, make sure to clarify that part. I wouldn’t leave it too long either, he might think you’re not interested in him at all. I mean, just in case, if he cares.”_

He hated it when Haru was right.

Sousuke had been avoiding him for two days by then and he’d just about had it. First, he wouldn’t return his call. He’d been anxious but had managed to calm himself just enough until it had turned out he hadn't been able to track him down even at the club. The only time he had managed to spot him, Sousuke had been occupied with Haru and his practice. The minute that had been done, he was out of sight.

Loitering in the hall, he felt kind of strange but figured Sousuke had to come that way. His stomach churned, he was so frightened he’d mucked it all up for good.

Just then he spotted a familiar figure at the top of the stairs. He waved, trying to get his attention only to be confronted with Sousuke’s back and his retreating form.

All that anxiety and fear of loss instantly turned into anger.

He was angry at Sousuke for avoiding him, hadn’t they agreed that night that they would not hide their problems from each other? They were friends, best friends, and this was so far from it. He was angry at himself for not being more cautious about flirting with someone else with Sousuke there. He wasn’t angry about what he had done. He had the right to figure out his own emotions and needs, and he was glad he took the time to be certain. But maybe, maybe he should have been a bit more careful. A little voice at the back of his head was telling him that if Sousuke was upset about it, it meant he most definitely did have feelings for him but right at that moment, it actually didn’t matter as much as Sousuke hiding, once again, from him.

Without thinking, he launched himself to follow, taking two, three stairs at the time, ignoring the startled looks of the few people around. He only wanted to catch up to his fleeing friend.

Ducking around a corner he spotted Sousuke and slowed down. His head was bowed, his hands in his pockets and he was slowly making his way back towards the pool. Not wasting any time, he approached him and tugged at his arm.

“We need to talk.”

“What?”

“You’re avoiding me and we need to talk.” He tugged again, moving steadily towards the same break room he had once used to talk to Haru about his problems, and simply ignored the protests. They needed this and he wasn’t taking no for an answer. Ushering him into the small space, he slammed the door behind them and then turned around to face him.

Sousuke was blinking at him, eyes huge with surprise.

“Have dinner with me.” He blurted out the first thing he could think of and then almost cringed at it. That was not how he wanted to start that conversation but on the other hand, his brain stalled at anything else.

“I thought you’d want to go out with her.”

Sousuke didn’t have to say which her, they both knew. He hadn’t expected to be confronted with it so openly but maybe they were both at the end of their rope.

“No.” He took a deep breath and shook his head. “I don’t want to.”

There was no reply to that, just Sousuke staring at his feet.

He stepped forward, wondering how to make him understand without blurting everything out. He didn’t want to, not just then, when they were both not at their best. He was a romantic, after all. Lifting his hand, he placed it on Sousuke’s arm and squeezed. “Look at me, please.”

It took a few moments but their eyes finally met. He could easily recognize the pain in Sousuke’s eyes and he mentally kicked himself once again. It was not the time for that though, he needed to fix it. “I don’t want to be with her and yes, I’ve thought about it.” The flinch didn’t discourage him, he wanted to be honest about it. That was the only way forward. “We went out for coffee and a movie. I said good bye to her at the end of it. She’s a nice girl but I’m not interested in anything more.”

“Was she?”

“Yes.”

The silence stretched at that, and he let it. He simply stood there, waiting, feeling steady. It wasn’t like him to just rest but it was all right this once. It was all right, giving Sousuke time to think. He had done plenty of thinking of his own after all.

“All right.” A small smile appeared on Sousuke’s face then, after how long, he wasn’t even sure. It didn’t matter.

He would have waited for as long as Sousuke needed. It was worth it.

Of course he wouldn’t be himself if didn’t try and push a little. It was what he did best. “So. That dinner. How about it?” Suddenly he felt all the jitters return and he blinked in surprise. It probably had something to do with the fact that the little voice that had kept telling him that Sousuke most likely liked him was singing a rock anthem by then and that yeah, they were so doing this.

He was scared to death but he wanted it so.

_"It was worth it, it is worth it. Love is worth it my son."_

They were doing this.

“At your place though.”

“At my place?” One eyebrow went up, Sousuke obviously amused.

“Yes.”

He stuffed his hands in his pockets and shrugged.

There was no way he was going to cook on top of confessing. It was stressful as it was. He wanted to keep all his fingers if possible. He was not the best at it in general, no matter how much he liked teasing Makoto, and this seemed like such a bad moment to grapple with it. The ideal solution was of course having the dinner at Sousuke’s.

He crossed his fingers because he knew Sousuke wouldn’t see them and hoped that it would work.

“I suppose.”

Success.

“Did you want to watch a movie or something?”

“No.” He figured he might as well hint a bit, it wouldn’t hurt. “I thought we could just have dinner. You and I.”

“Just dinner?”

“Yes.”

Sousuke was blinking at him again but he could swear that he was not imagining that his eyes suddenly seemed just a little bit brighter. Not being able to help himself because he was feeling almost giddy by it all, final realization of his feelings, being sure of it, being sure of Sousuke’s, deciding he wanted to take the next step, he inhaled and nodded quickly and grinned. He was happy and he wanted to show it.

“Rin.” A large hand cupped his cheek, thumb stroking once.

Sousuke smelled like vanilla. Vanilla and cinnamon.

He wasn’t going to cry, damn it, he wasn’t, even if he was ridiculously, stupidly happy.

“All right.”

His smiled got impossibly wide when the words reached him and he realized Sousuke had said yes. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

He was so picking up some flowers. 

It was going to be just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah Rin. My complex, wonderful man. Well we fought a good fight, the two of us, I honestly have no idea who won it the end, probably he but hopefully this gave you an insight in some of the things I see as motives when it comes to him. There'll be more later of course. Hope you enjoyed this one, I'm off to find a tub of coffee.


End file.
